Lucky Dogs

Dear Calvin College,

You win.

Sincerely,

Dordt

Oh, you like my girlfriend, huh? I guess you'll be taking Level 3 again next year.

Today, another day at the pool was not just “another day at the pool". I had to defend my manhood by failing a 2nd grader for talking about my girlfriend. Before you comment on what seems to be a terrible injustice - let me explain.

I walked out to the pool for lessons and was once again bombarded with questions. Sometimes I wonder if these kids plot little schemes together so I will be completely shocked when they unleash them on me, but then I remember that they are in 2nd grade and they can barely remember what side of their bathing suit goes forward.

Anyway, today the first question seemed innocent enough.

Dan: "Did you break up with your girlfriend?"
ME: "Nope."

Dan: "Oh ok... cause Andrew wants to kiss her."
Andrew: "No way!! I just think she's hot, that's all."

Oh no, I thought. I'm doomed. This kid Andrew has everything on me. Sure he’s small, but he's smart, funny, and he even looks better than me in a bathing suit. Kelley will definitely choose him over me; she always tells me how much she likes 2nd graders - what should I do?

Wait a minute, I thought. It's testing day. I'll just fail little Andrew and he'll lose all confidence and never realize that he has a chance with Kelley.

"Ok everyone, jump in the water - time to do your bobs!" I said with a mischievous smirk on my face.

Welcome to Teaching Math

Inspired by the stupidity of people portrayed in other blogs, I thought I would give you a few quotes from my last math class. Keep in mind that these are fellow teachers (females) who will go on to teach your sons and daughters.

"What is area?"
"How do I find the area of a rectangle if the sides are 2 and 6?"
"I don't understand what squared means."
"So what part of the circle is the diameter?"


No, geometry was not introduced today. We are actually on volume of cylinders and such (6th grade math). Some reason the girl forgot the entire 2nd grade math that we went over last week.

She's my girlfriend - but don't tell her.

My 2nd grade swimming lesson class was very interested to hear that I have a girlfriend. I told them about three weeks ago and everyday since, when they arrive the chant begins: "Where's your girrrllllll friennddddd?!?!"

So, after telling Kelley that my 2nd graders ask about her, she begged for the chance to meet my little boys and girls. Kelley’s attendance to the beginning of my class was hilarious. All of the little boys became really embarrassed when I introduced her as my girlfriend. And the two little girls looked up with smiles that seemed to say, "Awwwwwwwww."

After she left, the boys went crazy with excitement and the questions started to fly. Little Max said, "Does she...does she...umm... does she know that she's your... your girlfriend." Then Andrew chimed in, "You know what you should do? You should tell her that she's hot!" Daniel, the boy sitting next to Andrew, was completely in shock. He said, "John! Andrew just called your girlfriend hot!" Oh course, Andrew was completely defensive, "No John, I said that YOU should tell her that SHE is hot."

While I was being bombarded with questions and suggestions, I was gazing off in the distance with a smile on my face - remembering a time when you didn't have to tell girls that you were going out with them.

Bear does what?

I observe a very diverse middle school classroom in Sioux City, Iowa. To give you a glimpse of the diversity, I thought I would share with you the names of two of my students.

Thomas Bearcomesout
Cinnamon Flyinghawk

After discovering names like these, only something like "Paprika Beartakesdump" will impress me.

Until tomorrow!

Poetry Day

This original work, created by me, is a work in progress. Not only did I mold this poem, but it molded me. And for that, I can only thank the inspiration to my work. Thank you.

L is for Lively,
your announcement barely surprised me.

O is for Open
you don't have legitate kin.

V is for Vanishing,
no one saw you in "I'll Do Anything (1994)".

E is for Ears,
when you sing, it drives me to tears (or beers).

Love.

Sometimes, Iowa smells like pee.